Our Kids Affecting Relationship, How Counselling Can Help

Understanding the Impact of Your Relationship on Parenting Couples

The issue of intimacy fading is a typical result of kids affecting a relationship, as the demands of parenting often take a toll on emotional and physical closeness. Sleepless nights, constant caregiving, hormonal changes, and lack of personal time can leave couples exhausted and disconnected.

When all focus shifts to the children, partners may unintentionally neglect each other’s emotional and physical needs. One partner may feel overwhelmed and unsupported, while the other may feel unappreciated or rejected, leading to frustration and distance. Kids affecting the relationship in this way can create ongoing tension if not addressed.

Children introduce a new dynamic to a partnership, shifting focus, energy, and priorities. Without proper communication, teamwork, and time for intimacy, couples can begin to feel like co-parents or roommates rather than romantic partners. This tension can lead to resentment, emotional disconnection, and even a relationship breakdown if left unaddressed.

Fortunately, couples counselling offers a supportive, non-judgmental space to help parents reconnect, communicate effectively, and rebuild their relationship while still being great parents.

Why Do Kids Put So Much Strain on Relationships?

Parenthood is demanding, both emotionally and physically. From sleepless nights and never-ending to-do lists to tantrums, school runs, and financial pressures, parenting can leave couples exhausted and disconnected. Here are some of the most common reasons children may contribute to relationship struggles:

Shift in Priorities and Identity

Once children enter the picture, the focus naturally shifts from the couple to the kids. While this is normal, it often results in the relationship being deprioritized, especially during the early years. Couples may lose their sense of identity as partners, becoming entirely consumed by their roles as parents.

Exhaustion and Burnout

The physical and mental toll of raising children can leave little energy for meaningful conversation or intimacy. When both partners are constantly tired, minor frustrations can escalate into big arguments. Burnout also lowers patience, empathy, and emotional availability.

Different Parenting Styles

Disagreements about how to discipline, educate, or raise children are common. If one parent is more strict and the other more permissive, it can lead to power struggles, blame, and feelings of being unsupported.

Lack of Time for Each Other

Between parenting responsibilities, work, and household duties, time for one another is often the first thing to go.

Date nights disappear, deep conversations become rare, and affection dwindles, all of which can erode the emotional connection.

Kids Affecting Relationship By Parents Neglecting Emotional and Physical Intimacy

Children—especially young ones—require constant attention. As a result, physical closeness and emotional intimacy often fade, leaving both partners feeling undesired, isolated, or even resentful.

Feeling Unappreciated or Alone

It’s not uncommon for one partner (often the primary caregiver) to feel underappreciated, overburdened, or unsupported. The other may feel neglected or pushed aside, especially if pressured to provide financially or maintain other responsibilities.

When “The Kids” Are Just a Symptom

It’s important to note that in many cases, children aren’t the root cause of the relationship breakdown, but rather the catalyst that exposes existing cracks. Underlying issues such as poor communication, unresolved conflicts, or mismatched expectations often become amplified under the pressures of parenthood.

Couples may have been functioning well before children, but challenges build up without the tools to adapt to the evolving dynamic. This is where counselling can make a real difference.

How Couples Counselling Can Help Improve Relationships After Kids

Couples counselling provides a safe and structured environment where both partners can express their concerns, learn new communication skills, and work together toward rebuilding their relationship. When kids seem to be tearing your relationship apart, therapy can help you refocus on your shared goals, emotional connection, and teamwork.

Improve Communication

Many relationship breakdowns stem from poor communication. Counselling helps couples learn to listen without defensiveness, express needs without blame, and understand each other’s emotional experiences. These skills reduce misunderstandings and increase empathy.

Align on Parenting Values

Disagreements about parenting can create deep divides. A counsellor can help couples clarify and align their parenting values, set healthy boundaries, and develop strategies for parenting as a united front rather than in opposition.

Restore Emotional and Physical Intimacy

Therapy can help identify the barriers to intimacy—whether emotional distance, resentment, or lack of time—and work toward restoring closeness. Couples can learn how to reconnect emotionally and physically, even during the busy parenting years.

Rebuild the Relationship Identity

A significant focus of couples therapy is helping partners remember who they are beyond their roles as “mum” and “dad.” By carving out space for their relationship, even in small ways, couples can revive their sense of partnership and joy.

Manage Conflict More Constructively

Parenting stress can amplify conflict. Counsellors can help couples identify patterns of unhealthy conflict, learn to manage disagreements calmly and prevent repeated arguments from damaging the relationship further.

Create a Balanced Family Dynamic

Therapy encourages couples to set healthy boundaries around parenting, self-care, and time for each other. This supports the relationship and creates a more emotionally stable environment for children to benefit from a strong, respectful partnership with their parents.

No Intimacy After Kids For Parenting Couples

The loss of intimacy after having children is a common and deeply felt issue among couples. The demands of parenthood—such as sleepless nights, constant caregiving, hormonal changes, and lack of personal time—can leave both partners emotionally and physically exhausted.

As priorities shift toward the needs of the children, couples often find themselves with little energy or time for affection, intimacy, or quality connection.

Resentment can build if one partner feels unsupported or overwhelmed, while the other may feel rejected or neglected. Over time, this emotional distance can lead to a breakdown in communication and physical closeness.

How Couples Counselling Helps Improve Intimacy For Parents

Couples counselling provides a safe and supportive space to address these challenges, helping partners express their feelings, rebuild trust, and re-establish their emotional and physical bond. Through guided conversations and practical tools, therapy encourages couples to prioritise their relationship again, ensuring that intimacy isn’t lost in the chaos of parenting but instead redefined and nurtured as the family grows.

You Don’t Have to Choose Between Being Good Parents and a Happy Couple

It’s a common misconception that a romantic relationship must take a permanent backseat once children arrive. Your relationship’s strength directly impacts your children’s emotional well-being. When kids witness love, teamwork, and respectful communication between their parents, they grow up feeling more secure and emotionally grounded.

Parenthood is hard, but you don’t have to navigate the challenges alone. Whether you’re overwhelmed, constantly arguing, or feeling like you’ve lost the spark, counselling offers healing, growth, and reconnection.

Ready to Rebuild Your Relationship? Explore how counselling can help Parenting Couples.

If parenting pressures strain your relationship, now is the time to seek support. Gold Coast Counselling with Lee Calleja offers professional couples counselling for parents feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, or at a breaking point.

Led by experienced relationship counsellor Lee Calleja, sessions are available both in-chair at the Southport Clinic and via online video consultation, providing flexible options for busy parents.

Take the first step toward a more connected, balanced relationship—for yourself, your partner, and your children.

Enquire today with Gold Coast Counselling to start your journey back to a stronger, healthier relationship. In-person or online consultations are available.