Stockholm Syndrome in Relationships: When Emotional Bonds Become Harmful

Stockholm syndrome is a psychological phenomenon where an individual develops emotional attachment, loyalty, or even affection toward someone who is causing them harm. While the term originated in hostage situations, it is increasingly used to describe unhealthy relationship dynamics, particularly those involving emotional abuse, manipulation, or control.

In romantic relationships, Stockholm-like patterns can make it extremely difficult for a person to recognise harm, leave the relationship, or trust their own judgment, even when the relationship is clearly damaging.

How Stockholm Syndrome Can Appear in Romantic Relationships

In relationships, Stockholm syndrome does not happen suddenly. It often develops gradually through repeated cycles of fear, relief, and emotional dependency. Over time, the affected partner may begin to rationalise or defend harmful behaviour as a coping mechanism.

Common features include:

• Feeling emotionally dependent on a partner who causes distress or harm
• Minimising or justifying abusive behaviour
• Believing the partner “means well” despite repeated hurt
• Fear of leaving due to emotional, financial, or psychological reliance
• Strong loyalty to the partner, even when friends or family express concern

These dynamics can exist in relationships involving emotional abuse, coercive control, narcissistic traits, or trauma bonding.

The Role of Power and Control

A key element of Stockholm syndrome in relationships is power imbalance. One partner may exert control through intimidation, criticism, isolation, or manipulation, while occasionally showing affection or remorse. These brief moments of kindness can create confusion and reinforce emotional attachment.

This intermittent reinforcement can lead the affected person to:

• Focus on positive moments while ignoring patterns of harm
• Feel grateful for basic respect or affection
• Believe they are responsible for the partner’s emotions or behaviour

Over time, this erodes self-esteem and strengthens emotional dependency.

Trauma Bonding and Emotional Survival

Stockholm syndrome in relationships is closely linked to trauma bonding. When emotional pain is mixed with affection or relief, the nervous system can become conditioned to associate the relationship with safety, even when it is unsafe.

For many people, staying becomes a way of coping rather than a conscious choice. Leaving may feel more frightening than waiting, especially if the relationship has become central to their sense of identity or security.

Why It’s So Hard to Leave

People experiencing these dynamics are often misunderstood. From the outside, it may seem evident that the relationship is harmful. Internally, however, the person may feel:

• Confused about what is “normal”
• Ashamed of staying
• Afraid of being alone or judged
• Unsure whether they could cope without the relationship

These feelings are not signs of weakness. They are understandable psychological responses to prolonged emotional stress.

Healing and Regaining Autonomy

Recovery begins with awareness, safety, and support. Counselling can help individuals:

• Understand unhealthy relationship patterns
• Rebuild self-trust and self-worth
• Learn healthy boundaries
• Process fear, guilt, or attachment
• Regain a sense of control and independence

With the proper support, it is possible to untangle emotional bonds that no longer serve your well-being.

You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone

If you recognise yourself or someone you care about in these patterns, support is available. Speaking with a qualified counsellor can provide clarity, validation, and a safe space to explore your experiences without judgment.

To take the next step, consider enquiring with Gold Coast Counsellor Lee Calleja at Chirn Park Health Group. Lee offers professional, supportive counselling online and in-person to help individuals better understand their relationships, rebuild confidence, and move toward healthier emotional connections.

Reaching out can be the first step toward reclaiming your emotional freedom and well-being.

Make an Enquiry with Counselling Gold Coast